A drug user of five years comes clean about the biggest battle he faced in his life

I was a bright child in school, belonging to a well-to-do family. I was healthy and loved to play sports. I was even the captain of my school cricket team. However, I also liked to stand out from the crowd and veered towards eccentricity at times. I loved trying out new things, but never realised how and when this little habit of mine turned into a tornado that would rip apart my life.

I tried my first cigarette when I was in standard VIII. The idea of puffing a white stick and blowing smoke out of my mouth attracted me. It looked so cool in movies! My friend and I bought a couple of smokes with a sense of trepidation. With shivering hands, we lit the fag and the first puff gave a kick. We both felt a little dizzy and coughed our lungs out. Yet, we felt like adults. But over the next two years, we rarely did it because we were scared of getting caught and trust me, my dad’s hand hurt!

The second time I did intoxicants, I went beyond that small stick. Two older friends from my society were on the terrace having a drug from a plastic bag. Each time they took puffs from the bag, their faces glowed with content. I looked on, awestruck. They noticed me and insisted that I try it. They assured me that nothing would happen. When I did, ‘everything’ happened. There was an insane buzz in my head and I could see colours in front of my eyes. My friends’ faces appeared distorted and their laughs echoed in my mind. It altered my reality. The trip went on for 5-10 min, but it felt like eternity. When I got out of it, I was zonked.

I did the drug several times with them, but I was not addicted to it. It was just for the sake of fun. Neither did it have any effects on me that time, so I felt it was safe. When college started, I introduced the drug to my group of friends. We were practically doing the drug everyday and walked miles to college to save on transport money. We gave up on college, bunked classes and went to hills and abandoned places to have it, as also the packs of cigarettes and alcohol.

Now, all this had started taking a toll on my health and academics. My weight fell drastically, and so did my grades. I somehow managed to clear standard XII, but I was not that bright child anymore! I did feel guilty at times, but that feeling went as fast as it came after I got stoned.

My graduation years were even worse. We had advanced to marijuana. It was cheaper than alcohol and gave me a mild high. We smoked as many as 5-10 joints a day and spent days and months just laughing and talking. Time was smiling at us. Then came hashish, MDMA. We also tried LSD, known as acid to many.

I started hallucinating enormously. I had made up a whole different world in my mind. I felt like a higher being, and looked down upon society and people who led such monotonous lives. I was finally standing out. But the worst happened when my dad found me in a semi-conscious state once. However, this time I was an adult. I said I knew what I was doing and it was my life — the usual stuff.

My mental as well as physical health was deteriorating. I had become thin and lanky. My concentration had become like a kindergarten kid and memory like that of an old man. I felt like an outcast in public, and avoided meeting people and friends. By the time I realised, I was too deep into it to get out; the fun was over. I had lost my peace and happiness. Negativity devoured my consciousness. I even thought of giving up on life, as I believed I had no purpose left.

But then again, I thought it was high time I quit. I could not see my parents suffer because of me, the peace in my house had vanished. During this period of my contemplation, I started liking a girl and she stood by me through this dark phase. She got me out of it. I started imagining my life with her, but this habit of mine was proving to be the biggest hindrance.

I decided to quit for a future together, as all that mattered to me was living my life with her. Everything felt new and full of promise, as though a heavy weight was lifted off my head. I felt alive.

My parents were very happy, peace was returning to our home. Sometimes, I did feel the urge to do it, but avoided it by comparing past situations, which were hell. In my current phase, I was off it and it felt like heaven.

I urge all youngsters to not get trapped in this deceiving world of drugs that numbs your senses. Instead, accept reality, feel everything and be alive to every moment that you experience. Life, in all its purity, is the best drug.